Tips from Joe Bruno

Want to get some free ebooks?

I have been using Project Gutenberg (www.gutenberg.org ) to download ebooks to put on my Kindle.

They have over 60,000 free ebooks, all without any cost.

I still use the excellent Kendal library for paper books, and often alternate paper and ebooks.

Want Help with Hearing Issues?

"From live transcriptions to sound filtering, here’s how you can benefit from features on Android and Apple devices... " (click on blue link below).

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A paraprosdokian is a sentence or statement with an unexpected ending. It means “against expectations” in Greek.

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen. 

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. 

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?There’s no menu - you get what you deserve. 

I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday, but couldn't find any. 

What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe. 

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.  I lost my case. 

Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care.

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind. 

Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin. 

I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!” 

Need an ark? I Noah guy. 

You’re not completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example. 

I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay. 

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink. 

To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero. Thanks for nothing! 

Son: "Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?”   Dad: "No sun.”

From Jane Hart via Barbara Bruno.

HERE’S HOW BAD INFLATION IS:

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by pirates.

Thanks to Jane Hart via Sally Kellock for sending these.

Contemplations of a Senior Citizen

My tolerance for idiots is extremely low today. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there is a new strain out there.

  • Sorry I haven't gotten anything done today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.

  • Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think "That can't be accurate?"

  • I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

  • Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling, and I'm still alive.

  • As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, one thing I'm sure of – it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

Thanks to Jane Hart via Sally Kellock for this.

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Photographs of life at Kendal on Hudson are by residents.