Continued from last week . . .
My heart says, “chocolate and wine,” but my jeans say, “please, please, please, eat a salad!”
Hold on while I overthink this.
My spouse says I have 2 faults. I don’t listen and . . . something else.
Never laugh at your spouse’s choices. You are one of them.
“dammit I’m mad” is “dammit I’m mad” spelled backwards.
One minute you’re young and fun. The next, you’re turning down the car stereo to see better.
I’d grow my own food if only I could find bacon seeds.
Losing weight doesn’t seem to be working for me, so from now on I’m going to concentrate on getting taller.
Day 12 without chocolate . . . lost hearing in my left eye.
Some people are like clouds; once they disappear it’s a beautiful day.
Some people you’re glad to see coming; some people you’re glad to see going.
My body is a temple: ancient and crumbling, perhaps cursed or haunted.
Common sense is not a gift. It’s a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.
Contributed by Simone