Telling a person to calm down is about like baptizing a cat.
My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffered from mental illness. I said, “No, we all seem to enjoy it.”
I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the refrigerator.
I thought growing old would take longer.
Went shopping while hungry. Now I’m the proud owner of Aisle 6.
Camping: where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “close enough.”
Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done.
I’m a multitasker. I can listen, ignore. and forget all at the same time!
To Be Continued
Contributed by Simone