“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” Andy Rooney
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” Lee Trevino
“I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me: they’re cramming for their final exam.” George Carlin
“I don’t do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast.” Anonymous
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” George Burns
“Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth.” Conan O’Brien
Contributed by Steve Price and Jane Hart