For Language Fans

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The following were winners in a New York Magazine contest in which contestants were to take a well-known expression in a foreign language, change a single letter, and provide a definition for the new expression:

HARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS? - Can you drive a French motorcycle?

EX POST FUCTO - Lost In the mail.

IDIOS AMIGOS - We're wild and crazy guys!

VENI, VIPI, VICI — I came, I'm a very Important person, I conquered.

COGITO EGGO SUM - I think; therefore I am a waffle.

RIGOR MORRIS - The cat is dead.

RESPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID - Honk If you're Scottish.

QUE SERA SERF - Life Is feudal.

LE ROI EST MORT. JIVE LE ROI - The king Is dead. No kidding.

POSH MORTEM - Death styles of the rich and famous.

PRO BOZO PUBLICO - Support your local clown.

MONAGE A TROIS - I am three years old.

FELIX NAVIDAD - Our cat has a boat.

HASTE CUISINE - Fast French food.

VENI, VIDI, VICE - I came, I saw, I partied.

QUIP PRO QUO - A fast retort.

ALOHA OY — Love; greetings; farewell; from such a pain you should never know.

MAZEL TON - tons of luck.

APRES MOE LE DELUGE - Larry and Curly got wet.

Thanks to Arthur Brady for sending them.


One-Liners from Phelps’ Ellen Woods

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Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom

PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.

So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?

Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom.

Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.

Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under.

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Photographs of life at Kendal on Hudson are by residents.